and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
