So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
