Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
