We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
