Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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