Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
