Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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