I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
