great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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