Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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