my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
