is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
