Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
