Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
