The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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