Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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