I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
