ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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