is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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