we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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