do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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