i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
