I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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