just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
