do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
