im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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