For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
