Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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