im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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