I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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