I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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