I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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