I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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