Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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