discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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