I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
