Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
