Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
