Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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