She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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