dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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