i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
