Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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