Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
