they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
