Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
