East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
