It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
