you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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