Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
