Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
