I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
