i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
