yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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