is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
