I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
