Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
