Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
