i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
