grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
