i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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