how can u be prego again
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
