You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
