Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
