I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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