I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
