I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
