Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
